Unrelated

I have this feeling of unravalling. It's not a breakdown where my world seems so unchanged that it cracks down the middle. It's more of a changing feeling. Things are changing within me like a chemical reaction, mild anger, irritation like poison ivy. I think that I am untwisting and will eventually be re-twisted by whatever life is preparing for me. I don't think I like it because this, I know, means that I will have to cut things off. People off. For the good of myself and nothing more. I know I am selfish, but I am unaccustomed to completely altering and setting myself aside. I set other people aside. It happens. I deal. It's just upsetting to me when I have to do this kind of thing. I love my friends. But something has got to and will give. Hence my unravalling. I only have so much room in my fiber for so many people. I can only embrace for so long before I entirely have the attitude of "Fuck off if you don't like it. No, seriously." So here I am, changing again, not liking it.
I can't help but feel the jealousy in the air; I am not a jealous person, so I guess I don't understand it.
I want to cry as well as say fuck it, it doesn't matter. I can't help it when people feel as though they need me. I can't help it when people are sad and need a shoulder and I have a sturdy one and other people don't like it. I tend to embrace difference, and it's sad that I must spin out like a self-squeezing mop because other people can't accept the colorful indifference of other people.
So I'll just sit here and unravall because it's all that I can do. Those who can remain in the fiber will know who they are.